time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life - brian andreas

Saturday, April 2, 2011

noses and toeses.

Today we went to a birthday party at the park for a friends daughter (happy 6th birthday to Jenna!).  It was festive and fun.  And freezing.  The wind was blowing (a welcome change from the rain though) so hard and we were chilled to the bone afterwards.  We came home and immediately jumped in the bath (not all of us together.  That would be crowded.  And a little weird). 
After the kids had splashed a large majority of the water out and were sufficiently raisined, I wrapped them tight and put them on the counter for our post-bath ritual:
-comb hair (this happens every morning, but also after showers in an attempt to tame the rats nest that is ever-present in h's hair)
-clean ears
-cut fingernails
-cut toenails
Whilst I was completing item #4 on the list, I was horrified to see that I had passed on a terrible trait to my daughter.  The middle toenail of her right foot looks JUST like the middle toenail of my left food.  Confused?
Our toenail is awkward and misshapen ....oh and don't forget hideous.  It's one of my least favorite things about myself actually...it looks like a troll toe.  That a horse stepped on and smashed.  If I wasn't so self-conscious, I'd post a picture. 
Just kidding.  I have no shame (delivering 3 kids does that to you):

see, even the pretty pedicure doesn't make it look better. sad.

I also felt it was fair to subject her to humiliation (don't worry, she's too young to know.  so we can just mock her behind her little 3-year old back):

equally as ugly and trollish.  just a tiny troll.

Anyway when I noticed her inherited misfortune, I started frantically scanning her body and face for other deformities or oddities. 
And then I saw it. 
She has my nose. 
It's not quite as turned up as mine.  And her nostrils are much more even than mine.  But it's definitely there.
If you've spent any amount of time with our family, you know that I have very lopsided nostrils (dylan loves to make me show people. turd).  One is the size of a Lima bean.  The other is more like a grain of rice...seriously. 
Oh, and it looks like a ski slope from the side.
I'm so sad for her.
Hopefully she won't resent me later in life.  And she'll grow up and have sky high self esteem. 
Or at least she'll learn to compensate for her deformities with other things...like a stellar sense of humor.  Or brains.  Or quick wit.  Or impeccable fashion sense.
Yes, these are all things I wish for.
In any case, I have a feeling it won't be a problem:

ps: this post seemed like a big ball of whines.  But it isn't.  And there are some things I like about myself....my nose and toes just aren't some of them.


  1. I really don't think your toes are trollish. In fact, I am not even really sure which one you are referring too. I will show you my toes next time I see you and you will feel much better about yours!

  2. I couldn't tell which toe you were referring to either! I guess its true that we are our harshest critic. I have a few things I dislike about my looks but people think I am crazy for them. But whatev! You are gorgeous and I want your tiny body!....someday. Also I am going to take you up on your offer.....when I have saved up enough sky miles. :) shouldn't take long.!!!

  3. I don't see it! I looked and looked and looked.... nothing. You are close to perfect! Harper is beautiful and she's got spunk. Reagan is already excited that she's going to "Harper's school" next year. She loves her and I don't think they've ever even played together. Oh, and you've forced me to stare at your nose next time we talk.

  4. Why didn't you take a picture of your nostrils and post it?