time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life - brian andreas

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

dear dawson

Dear Dawson,
Lately I feel like I haven't taken the time to tell you how I feel about you.
Because sometimes life is busy and hectic and passes by too quickly.  

I love laying next to you in bed at night and listening to your soft voice read the words on the pages. 
It is the only time during the day that you are completely focused. 
No jabbering.
No questions. 
Just quiet thoughtful words.

Listening to you play with Harper and Beckham has become a favorite pass time of mine.  You are a wonderful brother. 
Your siblings expect so much from you.  They learned that from me. 
But you always seem to rise to the occasion. 

Don't get me wrong...there are times when you are the copycat, the instigator, the one who makes up stories about monsters under the bed.
And I've never had one, but I hear that's what brothers do.

Since you started school in September, I feel like your innocence is slowly slipping away.
It is heart breaking for a mother.

Sometimes you question boundaries. 
Sometimes you don't watch your words. 
Sometimes you burp the entire alphabet at the table during dinner.

Oftentimes we don't see eye to eye.

But it seems that just when I am feeling frustrated or confused by it all, you slip your tiny hand into mine as we walk into the school.  Or curl up next to me on the couch to watch a movie.  Or request a blue heart-shaped pancake.

And I realize that you are still my sweet little boy. 
One of the only perfect things I've ever done. 

And I hope you realize that I am learning too. 
That I'm nowhere close to perfect.

Sometimes my expectations are too high. 
Sometimes I don't listen enough. 
And I always roll my eyes when you burp the entire alphabet at the table.

But know that no matter what, I will always love you.
I will always be proud of you.
And you will always be my little boy.

December 2012